Live appearances this is a fact. Much of what we see is not real ... I am a mask, an actress in the comedy of my life. A comedy with a tinge of tragedy which I can not escape. Simply because even asked for a role in it.
And worse, is to discover ...
, Vmp; nbsp; But I survived. Aquí estoy, después de tantos años. But not without paying a price. I stayed, but I learned to hide my feelings, I began to feel ... not to be immutable, whether he wanted the pain does not bother me, I could not let it get to me love. Any feeling I was vetoed. Perhaps many thought it was strange, because not even I had that "awakening" that all girls have, I hated talking about love, romance novels repudiated, gave me chills ...
, And there came the first blow. So subtle, innocent, the first meeting ... the moment I began to half-open eyes without even meaning to. And I lied, hide the feeling, the disguise of the best I could. And I went back to survive. And no one noticed the small change, indeed not even me.
And the schedule continued to mark the days, months and toWe ...
I do not know how or ... but when I started reading romance novels and watching movies! Yes, and the craziest thing was that I enjoyed. Heavens, if before he had even been immune to Titanic. CHT
that was something only seen in fantasy. Things so pure, so beautiful, could not be real ... But then I discovered that even the perfect illusion of happiness may end up destroyed like in real life! I get frustrated, hurt, knowing that even in fantasy dreams are made reality.
was not enough to make life cruel, fantasy, my shelter, it was now.
amp; nbsp; And I had fun, now was a little braver, and I confess ... atrevíaa that slight "pull" unashamedly old as he had done before, admitted others. However, I knew he was special. He had been the first to awaken something ...
My days are , being accompanied ... And the time I move ... And he was there.I felt strangely safe say something like "you are mimicking the character" almost, I can hear it clear in my mind, those would have been his words. And I immediately answer no, but would not have arguments, it was just a feeling ... it is something more, something more, but what?
I decided to investigate, my mind has always enjoyed going beyond ; ... take it as a scientific experiment, a
And I was trapped by his gestures, movements, looks, words. Everything was new, surprising, unexpected ...
And surprisingly ... many things had always despised him were present. And I did not care! Mentally scold myself for it, I emphasize each of those details, again and again and again. Seeing if I couldra to shake to hear it? How could I calm with only a voice?
The feeling that oozed with each of those words captivated me ...
And I kept looking, and it turns out that there were more songs ... and not just the singing many had written it! And I knew at that moment that if I could dand convey these things, must mean that he was someone special. After all, I write, not songs, if not stories ... and I know that when one writes ... plasma unconsciously part of his soul into it ... your identity, your fears, desires, you, you're printed on your own words. I thought I knew something more about him. And that part just captivated me more ...
But I needed another error
commit ...
& nbsp; was silly to think that his face repeated more than a hundred times by all sides was more than obvious that once must have set me on that detail. But he had not.
My mother always told me that you could know everything I just by looking at my eyes, the years, I found it ... and let me know, that it was possible with the d TMLXC
nothing was ever the same. I could not help but notice him and be his eyes, those eyes that were able to disprove any other facial expression. Those eyes that were able to change anything. Those eyes could not lie.
And I was scared. I was scared terribly. Because I could not look alike. Because now, every time I looked, my heart &p; nbsp; And I thought, it is not possible, no, no. These two letters are joined in my mind constantly.
And my feelings scared me more, more than you normally be scared. Well, was not unique, it was my secret. I felt almost a part of that mass that was now behind him. And me sick to know that not following him, if not for what it represented ...
& amp; nbsp; do not know! I would have liked to scream, but did I know? I knew there ... then does not that leave me in the same position than others?
decided to suppress, deny everything, I could not be as other! Per
LXC And everything got worse. I discovered that what I felt was not so bad, it was not like the rest ... I ... I did not think alike. I feel for him was different, was not that pointless obsession. It was not an irrational desire. It was not common.
He wanted to protect ...
, & nbsp; me angry (still do) when I heard the most superfluous things about you, I got sick. Hated (even) when they talk about sexy boy. As if they talk about a mannequin in a wax statue ... someone hollow and meaningless.
When I know that there's more!
; Nbsp; But I can not, I can not just be selfish. I do not wish for me, I see him happy, that's what makes me different ... while he is happy, I can be.
I do not care what people say about him, his defects, his virtues, I do not care. I care about him. What is behind him ...
&; Nbsp; It's amazing the ability to disrupt all my schemes. Is what is not expected. I ever thought would happen. Is the most painful and yet, as sweet. It is everything ... and yet nothing. The fantasíay reality.
The sadness and happiness.
And I wonder ...
surprise me to be able to feel it all, live well, smile without feel right ... and sometimes fatal. Laugh and mourn. I'm surprised all, I'm surprised to be able to say ... I can love. I know what this feeling is strange, and frightening. It heals, it hurts, it hurts and heals.
But I'm afraid of what I feel.
do I know that makes me vulnerable.
clear now there is no danger ... those thousands of miles away are the best, a great safety. But if not so what if the distance does not exist? What if it were "real"? What if I can feel it now ... that tells me can not feel afterwards?
& nbsp; And I'm afraid. And again I hate him and hate me.
Why the hell! I did understand made me realize ... that deep down, I can still love. That this capacity still remains in me, I can be happy ...
But I have fear ...
I'm afraid to risk it. I know that in this case will never have anything to lose. Just because there is nothing. It is a kind of fantasy, but what happens when the case is real? When do you need to risk ... to seek happiness? When someone else gets to wake up all that he awoke in me ... I'll be able?
& amp; nbsp; I'm afraid ... and yet, when my heart pounding for him ..., happiness, love ... I still seem unreal.
I find it hard to believe in something I've never seen!
But I'm feeling right? Is not this case ... what they call "the primer love?
terrifies me. I refuse, I refuse ... I refuse because I was afraid of what you wake up in me. It scares me to know that can happen. There are ways to break the spell without the need for a kiss. I dread to know ... that's no way to break down barriers, that the wall might fall. Has already fallen. He has been commissioned to bring it down ...
scares me feel unprotected byso to speak, know ... I am able to feel, to love, to laugh. I can be happy. Happiness scares me ... I'm afraid, very afraid to have it ... fear, fear that can take me. That can hurt me again, I have
fear.
Why?
, I'm scared, thinking ... there may be someone who is capable of shooting down my walls, I can get to the heart, someone able to arouse anything in me. Terrifies me know I am weak.
But while I'm glad the test is possible.
I feel so extra about girlsamp; nbsp; But ... What about tomorrow?
What will happen when the "problem" is not thousands of miles away?
should be able to live only the present